Musings of an Ingenue

CRY

You know you are really really tired (physically and emotionally) when you can't even cry properly. The way you usually do. Big bawling style.

You only manage a weak sob at best; the quiet tears just flowing from your eyes, with nary a sound.

And those tears that remain trapped within you; they are beginning to choke you to death.

**

REMEMBER

I'll remember all those words you said because I know you'd meant them.

I'll remember the way you'd said them; without caring how I would feel when you say them, without even trying to make them sound genial.

I'll remember the way you'd thought so lowly of me. All this while.

I'll remember the way you'd shown absolutely no respect for me. Zilch.

I'll remember the way you made me feel about myself. Like a horrible, low-class specimen of the human race.

I'll remember the way you'd been obsessing about all those "things" that you had missed out on because of me, without once thinking about what I had to miss out on because of you.

I'll remember the way you had insisted that I am been holding you back from doing what you want to do, when honestly, what is it that I am holding you back from? Another girl, perhaps?

I'll remember all the bitterness and hatred that you'd hauled at me that night, and how even though I weren't there to see them in your eyes, you had shaken me so bad.

I'll remember the way you never once did mention about the good times we had, as if they had never existed.

I'll remember that "you'd lost alot of time on me", and so, from now onwards, I am not going to take up anymore of your time.

I'll remember the way you'd said you never want to spend the rest of your time with me, because the more you know me, the more you dislike me.

And lastly, I'll remember this.

You were right. I don't know you anymore.

You had changed so much that I can't possibly know you as the way you were.

**

PLEASE LET ME KEEP MY SANITY

At least there's golf that I can look forward to. The only thing at the moment.

**

AND THIS IS GOING TO BE MY LAST POST ON THIS BLOG

I'm never going to place myself in a relationship again. Not even remotely close.

Bye, cruel world.

***

INACTIVITY

I'd spent a good better-half of the day sleeping and napping on Sat-Sun.

I'd slept so full that I don't think I can go to bed early tonight.

Tomorrow's a brand new week, and it's back to work again.

I'm not really looking forward to another new week, it's more of like something that I have to do, and not necessarily by choice at that.

And you know that something's really not right when the only thing that you're looking forward to at work is an email from someone.

**

WORK HARDER, BRAIN

I can just kiss the person if someone gives me a few empty CDs out of sheer generosity.

For the life of me, I'd wanted to buy empty CDs to record songs and such, but I'd ALWAYS ended up forgetting to buy them when I am out shopping.

I believe it'd been a good few months since I'd the intention to buy them.

Each time I go out, I would remind myself that I need to get them.

And each time, I would forget.

My brain seriously needs a check for amnesia.

What is wrong with me?

**

SPINNING THOUGHTS

My brain is in a turmoil at the moment.

The empty weekends have had me thinking way too much.

Equation of the day: Cindy+ too much free time = too much thinking = not good at all

People, things and happenings have been running through my mind like a bullet train.

All the negative things that refuse to get out of my system have been playing in my mind on auto-replay mode.

Once in a while, like a fresh breeze on a warm summer, one happy thought springs up out of the blue and surprises me.

I'll grab at it, hoping that the memory will last longer, will replay itself longer, but all too soon, it dissolves into one blurry image. And no more.

Either I have to work harder at sustaining the happy memories, or I have to learn to create them all over again.

Either way, it's difficult.

***

10 RULES OF CHIVALRY EVERY GUY SHOULD KNOW

Thank you, MSN!

Finally! Something published about chivalry on the net (besides my blog, that is) that every guy should know. *nods head*

From More Things You Need to Be Told by the Etiquette Grrls, Lesley Carlin and Honore McDonough Ervin:

Yes, lots of these things may seem un peu outdated to your post-post-modern ears. However, that doesn't mean that you shouldn't be doing them! Vintage clothing is by its very nature outdated too, and the EGs [Etiquette Grrls] still wear it with pride! And we are quite bored avec the argument of "If I don't understand why it's customary, I don't have to do it." That is just laziness disguised as semantics, dear reader. Why do boys have to remove their hats indoors? The only reason you need is "Because the EGs said so."

· Polite boys stand when a girl enters the room, and when she departs. Actually, everyone, regardless of gender, should stand when an elder, or a very important person, enters or leaves.

· Boys should open doors for girls. Please actually hold the door for the girl, instead of merely flinging it open and running through, leaving her to sprint through before it slams. Open the door and step to the side while the girl passes through (perhaps saying, "After you," if she hesitates). At this point, the girl should politely thank the boy. He then says, "You're welcome," and, when she is through the door, goes through it himself. See, dear reader, this is really quite simple!

· Girls precede boys through every door except revolving doors. Boys, if you encounter a revolving door when you are walking with a girl, you should enter it first so that you may push the door. (Of course, you should not push it too fast, so that the girl has to leap like a gazelle to enter the revolving door you've set spinning out of control.)

· Boys graciously give up their seats on buses, trains, etc., when all the seats are taken and a girl is forced to stand. Simply say, "Excuse me, please take my seat." He should also offer to assist her with her luggage, especially if she is obviously attempting to heave her heavy Pullman suitcase onto the awkwardly placed luggage rack. (Girls, of course, should immediately thank the boy for his kindness.) Again, the same principle applies to when the elderly, the infirm, the obviously frail, or the pregnant are standing, no matter your, or their, gender.

· It is very nice for a boy to help a girl into her coat. Just stand behind her and hold the coat by the shoulders while she puts her arms into it. There is no need, however, for you to button it up for her, or help her on with her mittens.

· In a bar, if there is no table service, it's nice for the boy to fetch the drinks.

· Very old-fashioned, polite boys sometimes order for a girl in a restaurant. Now, if you're going to do this, you should inquire what the girl would like to eat before placing the order with the waitress. It would be very bad for her to have to correct you because she breaks out in terrible hives when she eats shrimp, for example. Also, you really have to be a traditional, perfectly chivalric boy to pull this off with grace, since your waiter at, say, Bennigan's probably isn't going to expect it.

· If a boy has asked a girl out on a date, he should pay. This is just the polite thing to do. If for some reason the girl has done the asking, then the responsibility of paying is hers. Under no circumstances should anyone on a first date reach for the check and demand the other party pay up! In longer-term relationships, you may find yourselves switching off occasionally, as both parties will be making plans, and this is fine. The EGs just think it's nicer to alternate than to have both of you reaching for your wallets every single time you go out.

· When you are taking seats at a theater, concert hall, movie theater, church, lecture hall, etc., the girl precedes the boy into the row of seats. In a restaurant, when the maitre d' is leading you to your table, the girl precedes the boy.

· When a girl is taking a seat at a table, the boy pulls out her chair for her. This is a maneuver that takes a bit of practice to be done gracefully, however. (The EGs have heard embarrassing stories of teenage boys who know they should do this at, par exemple, the prom, but get a bit over-zealous and yank the chair completely out from underneath their poor dates. Not a pretty picture, dear reader.)

There! 10 simple points that every guy should take note of!

It's really not that difficult, isn't it?

So why is it that not every guy is practising it?

Befuddles me, really.

**

IT'S NOT JUST ME

The other day, over lunch, I was having the exact same conversation with my colleague - a 23 year-old SMU graduate who, like me, constantly laments over the dearth (or should I say, non-existence) of chivalry in our local lads.

And both of us hit jackpot.

The only way to improve the level of graciousness in Singaporean ~~men~~ boys is to educate them, and what better way to do so than to begin with every guy friend of ours?

Voila!

Sadly, this education should have begun during childhood.

You know how all of our mothers used to teach their daughters since young to sit properly, behave like a girl, not to run about like boys, etc etc?

So why is it that these same mums did not impart due diligence to their sons? Sons who will, eventually, marry other daughters.

And this is what my colleague and I vow to do.

If ever we get to be mothers in future, you can betcha that there'll be alot of teaching to do on our sons.

Oh yeah.

Watch out, world.

It's time for a revolution.

And I think all women should unite for this new cause.

What feminism? Screw that.

The highest form of feminism comes about when you can get men (real, grown men; not boys that are our Singaporean lads) to do your bidding, without you even asking.

Uh huh.

So how about it, ladies?

All for one and one for all? ^_^

**

MY INTRODUCTION TO A FOREIGN WORLD

This chivalry-talk reminds me of an incident long past.

Back when I was still a naive, young girl, strange to the ways of the world, and had no idea what chivalry was all about, I was introduced to a different world (and given a cultural shock, whilst at it).

Not that said person was from an entirely different culture, no.

He was also a typical Singaporean male, but behaved not like one.

How was he any different, you wonder?

He was different because he was equipped with all the ways of a typical gentleman.

Something which I had, hitherto, never knew existed.

Let me illustrate just how different he was.

For instance, he would stand one step below me as we ride up an escalator.

It's always one step below, not the same step as me, and definitely not (good lord!) one step above me.

Why?

Just so that if I fall backwards, he'll be there to break my fall.

Cue: all girls go "awwwww" now.

Same applies if we take the downward-riding escalator.

I was totally, totally blown away with such education then.

And one more thing.

I had to get up from the dinner-table to visit the loo, and I said, "Excuse me, but I have to go to the ladies", getting up from my seat as I said so.

Imagine my shock when he followed suit and got up from the table.

I gave him a look and said, "What are you doing?", all the while thinking that he was going to follow me to the loo.

He turned red in the face at my questioning and said, "It's only polite to stand when the lady gets up from the table."

I nearly did a double-take in the restaurant (right then and there), I tell you.

He then asked, "Why do you look so shocked?"

I replied that I had never knew about such a thing at all.

He asked again, "You mean none of your guy friends do that around you?"

I said hell no.

It was his turn to get a cultural shock now.

He revealed, "But all of my guy friends do that, it's like second nature to us."

I wondered to God above in my heart then why I was given the wrong set of guy friends to hang around with (just kidding, guys, don't get all mad now).

From that day onwards, I got fanatical about chivalry.

Right up till today.

It's like a hidden litmus test which I use to screen every guy now.

Uh huh.

You have been warned.

***

THE FIRST LAW OF NATURE IS THAT "LIFE'S UNFAIR"

I am standing there gawking at a picture of Jacelyn Tay on the cover of the latest Style magazine.

I couldn't help it, like an automated machine straight out of some sci-fi movie, I reached out to purchase the mag.

What exactly was I gawking at, you wonder?

Her teeth.

That smile of hers.

So perfect, straight and symmetrical; it disturbed me.

I remembered clearly that she did not embark on her showbiz career with such straight teeth. But yet, there were no reports of her using braces for dental correction.

Did she do an Extreme Makeover and just wake up with a perfect smile one day?

If ever I do get to see her, I'm gonna ask her for the answer.

Or maybe it's already written in that book of hers that she'd just published.

A skinny, tall lass with porcelain skin, straight teeth and a book for sale, how unfair can the world get.

Darn.

Then, I remembered this. You get all of that in exchange for being a bankrupt. So I guess life's fair after all.

But then I had to recall another tall, skinny Mediacorp artiste with porcelain skin and a Hollywood movie. No bankruptcy.

Guess the laws of nature still hold. >_<

**

THE REASON WHY WE WORK IS TO SPEND EVEN MORE

I'm losing control.

Blame it on the sheer amount of stress that I face at work; these days, I just cut to the chase.

My debit card's been doing a lot of work these days.

By that, I mean that I've been spending ALOT of my hard-earned money.

I have to stop myself, really.

Besides treating a few of my friends to meals, I've just been buying buying buying.

I bought a tank top and a black handbag for work from Guess.

A long-sleeved shirt for work from Mango.

A pair of heels from Nine West to replace my fast falling-apart ones (Everbest! WTF!).

A lippie from Clinique.

A powder compact from Lancome.

And a Mambo T-shirt for a friend.

Just those few items, and I've set myself back at least a few hundred bucks.

Talk about having exquisite (read: expensive) taste.

What I want really, really want to get for myself, however, is a manicure.

I've been looking at my nails and I don't like the state that they're in.

Anyone has any good places to recommend?

**

SOMETHING TO REMEMBER BY

My colleague told me though, that I should get something for myself that I can keep and remember by with my first paycheck.

Something to remind me that I'd bought this item with my very own moolah.

She had bought a watch for herself back then.

And so I've been thinking about an item that I can get to commemorate my first paycheck.

I don't really need a watch at the moment, so I guess I'll give that a miss.

I've been thinking about getting a pair of diamond stud earrings, one which I can wear for work and on casual occasions.

And just when I thought that a pair of diamond stud earrings are what I've set my sights on, I had to chance upon this (www.lomography.com).

It totally blew my mind away.

Welcome to Cindy's-new-craze-at-the-moment.

Welcome to a life of vivid graphics.

Now, I can't decide on a Holga, a Pop 9, or a CyberSampler.

Since I can't afford a digital camera at the moment, I guess I have to settle for second-best.

And this is even better than second-best.

It's so quirky, fun and original, that I'm like thinking, "Screw digital cameras."

I always prefer to take the alternative, non-mainstream route anyway.

Lomography suits me just fine.

But I'm still bogged down by the eternal question.

Diamond stud earrings or lomography for my first paycheck?

The tough decisions that we women have to make. Sigh.

***

EVERYONE SAY HOORAY!

This is my 200th post. Hooray.

Blogger changed its look again. I wasn't exactly used to typing in the new font, but I certainly welcome all the additional functions such as font-size adjustment, left/right/centre-alignment, bullets, and most of all, the ability to upload images!

Goody.

Well, it's about time indeed.

This is supposed to be a celebratory post, since it's meant to commemorate my ability to churn out 200 posts of nonsense, but my brain's giving up on me.

I'm unbelievably tired.

**

LIFE'S AN INTENSE, PROLONGED JOKE

I think life just passes you crazily by.

Who knows, 5 years from now, I'll still be at this blog penning down stories of an unexciting and supremely mundane life.

I think fate has a way of driving one crazy at times too.

Have you ever had the feeling that you'd found someone with whom you could establish amazing rapport with, with whom you could hit it off crazily with; someone who just has IT, everything that you'd possibly dreamed off in a person (well, almost), only to find out that said person is married/attached/gay?

Well, I did.

Fate just likes to play April Fool's on you.

Uh huh.

**

THE BEGINNING OF THE END IS THE BEGINNING

It's been four weeks since I'd commenced the beginning of the end of my life.

It'd been four weeks since I'd started work.

In these four weeks, I'd visited 1 client, received 2 paychecks, and went on 1 orientation program (which could go possibly down in history as the saddest of all orientation programs, ever).

In these four weeks, I had seen, observed and heard about the comings-in and goings-on in my office.

Welcome to a life of new-found, imaginary, behind-the-scenes slitting of the eyes and bitching of the mouth.

Welcome to Module 1101: An Introduction to Office Politics (Major: Political Science).

Despite my immense reluctance to be embroiled in office politics of any sort, it's inevitable once you put that dainty foot of yours across the threshold.

In case you start worrying, I'm not exactly involved in any office politics yet. YET.

But the time will come.

As you become chummy with A of whom B dislikes because B thinks that A is an ally of C.

Go figure.

A test of logic skills at its best.

They should start using real-life examples of these sorts in Logic or Philosophy classes.

In the meantime, I'll just live by my mantra.

And that is: TO BE NICE AND IMPARTIAL TO EVERYBODY I INTERACT WITH IN THE OFFICE.

Even if said person is the most-hated bitch in the entire office.

I'll just treat people the way I want everyone to treat everyone else.

And I'm not going to take sides and get into any particular "war-camp" in the office.

And if all this fails?

I'll just put up the notice, wait for a month to elapse, and leave.

I'm still young, I don't believe there's a shortage of opportunities out there.

I'll just put to sleep my corporate, ambitious, go-getter persona, and replace it with a hippie, artistic, I-don't-live-for-the-money side.

That, in simple words, just means that I'll take up a "creative" (i.e. lowly-paid) job.

I'm trying to convince myself I'm still young and vibrant, and that I've all the time in the world to switch paths.

For now, I'll hold on to this "I hate local banks" job, sit on my laurels, and pray with ten crossed fingers that Bloomberg will eventually recognise the genius in my resume, and invite me down for a tete-a-tete.

I've just been obssessing about this the entire time. Really.

***

JUST A STRIDE, AND THEN IT'S OVER

Today's my commencement ceremony.

Basically, it's just a very glam term for the good ol' graduation ceremony.

To be honest, I wasn't very excited by the prospect at all.

Everyone else around me seemed to be more excited than me, and EXPECTED me to be likewise, equally excited.

Well, I wasn't. Not one single bit.

And the most shocking bit to it all is?

I did not inform my parents about the ceremony at all.

I felt it would be too much of a hassle. I didn't want them to specially take a day off from work just to attend an hour-long ceremony, of which they will only see me on stage for like what, 10 seconds?

Most of all, I didn't want to make them any more uncomfortable than they may be, should they be there.

All the parents would be dressed really nicely, and the place of the ceremony would look pretty posh as well - all of which I believe, would put my parents (especially my mum) in a most uncomfortable position.

Most of all, I didn't even think the ceremony was a big deal.

The above answers sound like I'm so freaking considerate, right?

Bullshit.

The truth is, I didn't want to put myself in an uncomfortable position by having my parents there.

I never felt comfortable being around them in public.

Heck, I'd never felt comfortable being around them at any time.

Although I do not know if it were worse having friends ask me where my parents were (of which I could only provide a feeble answer), on the day of the ceremony.

That scenario happened when a good friend of mine, her mum, to be exact, turned to me to enquire about my parents.

I could just see the look on her face change when I told her they weren't here.

What the heck.

I don't care a single shit.

Anyway, my parents will still have the opportunity of seeing me all decked out in the graduation robe, complete with mortar-board, on the day when we head to a studio to take some portrait shots as a family.

I've already decided that I'll foot the bill for that one.

One graduation package at a photo studio is no joke, mind you.

I'm expecting to fork out more than $200.

Oh well.

In any case, I'm most thankful to my friend who came down to the ceremony with me.

He acted as my photographer, my errand boy, my bag-carrier, my ATM machine - all of that put together.

What a load of help.

But I'm still happy after the ceremony ended. In fact, I was happier AFTER it ended.

Happy because I got to see my friends in their graduation robes, and the look on their face as the realization that "We've graduated!" dawns on everyone.

All of our lives, we have toiled just for that one day's glory, that brief walk across the stage-shake hand-take cert-and bow routine, that one piece of fragile certificate that had to be laminated with $5.

What a joke.

The highlight of the ceremony (or should I say, the most entertaining), was when a girl walked across the stage to collect her cert, and as she was exiting, she turned to flash a victory sign with her fingers (complete with a grin) at the audience.

How refreshing.

The rest of the ceremony was banal, inane, stiffening and at some points, so cliched that I couldn't help but roll my eyes inwardly.

Thank God it was only for an hour.

Still, the ceremony wasn't held for us, the graduates; it was for all the parents who came.

For them to take pride in that single, solitary moment; for them to feel like they have finaly achieved something with their children; for them to believe that a whole life of slogging their guts out have been ALL worth it.

I say it again - the commencement ceremony is never for the graduates, it is for all the parents of the graduates.

I'm sorry to say then that I'd deprived that opportunity from mine.

***

QUIZ!

Got this quiz from a blog that I frequent. I found the results funny (in a ha-ha way), especially with regards to the last sentence. Read below.

Wackiness: 32/100
Rationality: 44/100
Constructiveness: 38/100
Leadership: 56/100
You are an SEDL--Sober Emotional Destructive Leader. This makes you a dictator. You prefer to control situations, and lack of control makes you physically sick. You feel that you have responsibility for everyone's welfare, and that you will be blamed when things go wrong. Things do go wrong, and you take it harder than you should.

You rely on the validation and support of others, but you have a secret distrust for people and distaste for their habits and weaknesses that make you keep your distance from them. This makes you very difficult to be with romantically. Still, a level-headed peacemaker can keep you balanced.

Despite your fierce temper and general hot-bloodedness, you have a soft spot for animals and a surprising passion for the arts. Sometimes you would almost rather live by your wits in the wilderness somewhere, if you could bring your books and your sketchbook.

You also have a strange, undeniable sexiness to you. You may go insane.

Reading the last 2 lines one after the other feels totally queer. Juxtaposition at its best yet.

But I agree though. I do think I have a huge probability of turning mental.

Maybe I already did. >_<

**

THE NUTCASE IS BACK

Again, many apologies for the long hiatus from blogger-land.

I do still read other blogs, just in case you people are wondering. It's just that I can't, for the life of me, muster enough concentration and energy to sit down in front of the PC and write about MY life.

I guess it's simply because, deep within me, I know that I do not have anything exciting to write about (notwithstanding the fact that I'm too tired).

Work has been stressful, I'm still trying to grapple with banking lingo, commercial credit and trade finance.

I'm still trying to grapple with numbers.

I hardly exercise any capacity for the written word these days; it destabilizes me.

Blogging is the only instance when I am able to make sure that I can still spell and construct a sound, grammatically-correct sentence.

Relations with a few colleagues have been improving, at least I think I have a few friends in the office now.

Whatever.

Just today, though, an overwhelmingly strong sense of sudden sadness enveloped me.

It struck me the moment I got home, and sat down on my bed, mind blank.

It should have been a joyous day, it is, after all, my church's 6th anniversary.

Yet, when I look at how others have grown in faith and spirit, how others look like they're really happy with themselves, their lives, and with God, I AM MISERABLE.

I don't want to start sounding like I'm wallowing in self-pity, because to constantly do that to oneself, is tiring. Really tiring.

For the life of me, I wish I have the antidote to true happiness.

I've been under this illness, this curse, for 22 years now.

It's tiring, God.

Please do something about it. I'll really appreciate a little help down here, thanks.

**

YOU CAN HELP BY SENDING HELP

If truth be told, I need someone to pamper me.

Someone to take my hand at the end of a long hard day, look me in the eye, and tell me that everything will be okay.

Someone who knows to give me a warm, comforting hug just by the look on my face.

Someone to buy me dinner when I've worked past the official hours, someone to take the effort to send me home from the office.

Someone to soothe my tired, bruised feet with a good foot massage.

Someone to give me a good shoulder-n-back massage.

Someone who will come all the way down to my office just to see me for an hour and a half, and to have lunch with me.

Someone to wipe my tears away when I can hold them back no more.

Someone whom I know I am working this hard for other than myself.

Someone to put everything into perspective, to make all the sacrifices and hardship worthwhile.

I am not going to continue to act like I am so freaking independent and happy with my life, because I am not.

This soul needs a resting place.

Any takers, anyone?

Drop me an email and I'll drop you my number.

We can go for dinner after work, meet up for a few dates, and get married over the weekend like J Lo and Britney Spears.

Rest assured that there will be no pre-nup. You have my word.

***

THE DUMMY'S GUIDE TO SURVIVING A NEW LIFE AT WORK

1. However shitty a day you had at work, watching Friends ALWAYS helps.

That's why the theme song goes:

So no one told you life was gonna be this way,
Your job's a joke,
You're broke,
Your lovelife's DOA...
It's like you're always stuck in second gear,
And it hasn't been your day, your week, your month or even your year..

2. Get away from people or things that upset your day at work. It could be that not-too-friendly colleague of yours, a nasty customer, or simply, ugly mousepads.

3. Beautify and personalize your workspace. Make it look like just the one at home. Even if you have the crummiest computers from dinosaur-age that should have been extinct with the dodo bird.

4. Meet ol' friends for lunch. The ones that make you feel good about yourself. Not people that you have to tolerate with just to get some company.

There should be more, I know. >_<

**

THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE LONG (I KNOW), BUT..

I'm sorry I haven't been updating about my latest, but these days I hardly have the time, or the energy.

It doesn't help that I can't access the internet at work yet, because they still do not have my userId and password for that ready.

Yes, they lock the access to the internet (in case you are wondering).

These days, all I do is get up in the morn, go to work, waste a life-time, come back from work, watchtvsurfneteatdinnerandshower, and then, it's off to the bed.

See, no time for blogging.

It's just been a week plus, and already, my steam's dying.

Even the lure of Vitamin M on D-Day can't entice me much now.

Really makes me wonder what life is all about.

The one question that I still can't understand up to this day is, why do people have to work?

Why why why?

Who says we can't all live in the days of yore, by making barter trades?

Why do we have to slog past the designated hours of 9 to 6, and feel ourselves grip with fear if we turn up at work later than our boss and if we leave the office earlier than they do?

Who says we can only have lunches that last one hour?

Who says we can only have lunches during 12 to 1pm, and not at 5pm?

WHO WHO WHO WHO WHO?

You tell me.

**

SCARY MOVIE (STARRING: YOURS TRULY)

Another reason to hate public transport.

Taking public transport on your own, especially at night, isn't safe. Not even in self-proclaimed safe town, Singapore. No, siree.

Which reminds me: To every guy out there, make sure you please send your girl-friend home or ensure she reaches home safely.

I was on bus no. 65 tonight, heading home from Tampines, when the lure of snooze-land was too strong for me to ignore and I laid my head back and fell asleep.

I don't usually miss my stop even if I do fall asleep, unless I'm DEAD tired, so it's common practice for me to catch some shut-eye on bus journeys.

Imagine the rude shock that I had when I was awakened by someone sitting down at the seat beside me.

I was immediately frightened, because for one thing, the bus has PLENTY of empty seats, so there's no reason for Mr. Freako to sit next to me. And the other thing is, he has the looks of a potential pervert-cum-psycho: dark-skinned, slightly unshaven, glassy-eyed middle-aged man (either Malay or Indian, or just a VERY VERY dark Chinese).

I kept turning my head to stare rudely at him, and all over my face was written the phrase: "Why are you sitting next to me, you freako?"

And the thing is, when I sleep on the bus, I tend to lean back on the head-rest so that my legs are slanted sideways, taking some of the space of the seat next to me.

So when Mr. Freako sits down beside me, he is especially CRAMPED of his space.

Now why would a normal sane person want to subject himself to that?

Luckily he didn't take the opportunity to position his legs in a way that they're touching mine, otherwise he'll be a confirmed pervert.

Sick sick sick sick.

I hate public transport. *sulks*

I got so frightened that I'd immediately texted my male friend. He asked me to get out of my seat immediately and move away.

But I didn't want to do that, for fear that as I'm exiting from my seat, Mr. Freako will take the opportunity to touch my bum. *read paranoia*

I'm paranoid about my rear coming into contact with anyone as I exit from an inner seat, even in normal circumstances.

Thankfully though, before I'd mustered enough guts to get away from Mr. Freako, he had reached his stop and left poor me alone.

Later when I'd reached home, I called my guy friend.

He was dead sure that Mr. Freako had been trying to be funny with me.

Thinking back, I think Mr. Freako saw me sleeping, decided to sit next to me with the mindset that I wouldn't wake up, and maybe proceed to do whatever he wanted to do.

But well, I'm a very light sleeper, especially on the bus, so too bad for him that I'd felt the sensation immediately and woke up.

Oh yes, another thing that I can't stand about taking public transport. (Nothing to do with this encounter though)

Why is it that guys have to OPEN THEIR LEGS SO FAR APART THAT THEY TAKE UP MORE THAN THEIR OWN SHARE OF THE SEAT?

I don't believe that it's uncomfortable for them to sit with their legs closer to each other. And don't tell me it's because of their b*lls getting in the way, I don't believe in that (unless yours is the size of a buffalo's). >_<

Pissed pissed pissed-off.

The last time I sat down next to this PRC guy who did the leg-opening bit and ignored me despite my obvious glares at him, I took an opportunity to "accidentally" stomp on his foot when I adjusted my position on my seat.

Serves him freaking right.

What is this world coming to? *shakes head*

Besides having to contend with guys who fight for seats on the train with you, with guys who don't bother to hold the door open for you, and with guys who dominate the entire 2-seater on buses with their supreme legs, I now have to contend with freakos who try to scare me by sneaking up on me when I'm snoozing on a bus.

I always have freako stories with strangers who try to be funny with me, I don't why.

Walking along the streets, I can have guys cat-whistling me, shouting "Hello, Xiao Jie" at me from their vehicles, even an OLD AH-PEK sneering at me from his van after sounding his horn at me.

The best has to be Bengladeshis walking past me without making any eye contact and saying (at the exact moment that they pass me by), "Hello, Miss."

*faints*

Honestly, I don't think that I dress like a vamp or look like a prostitute. Sure, I like to wear my short skirts, but the image that I project certainly don't come under R-rated.

So why is it that I still get terrorised by guys sounding their horns at me on the road and yelling at me, by guys trying to pick me up in their cars (not really terrorised, more like flattered), or stares as I trek past them?

Argh.

Somebody please solve this mystery for me. >_<

***

JITTERS ON TITTERS

Did I say this previously? I'm starting work on Monday, 21st June.

Had only received the news to commence my workaholic life on the Friday before. And thus, only had the weekend to adjust my mentality and alter my frame of mind, in preparation for the next phase of my life.

It's difficult to get into the mind-frame that you're going to start work permanently, though. That's what I've realized.

Well, maybe others have had a much easier time adjusting than I do. Blame it on the fact that my subconscious is violently resisting to the idea that I'm no longer continuing a life of bum-hood.

I'm going to earn my own keep. Yikes.

In fact, following the receipt of my first month's pay (i.e. at the end of July), I've resolved to record down my list of expenditure for the following month like an obsessive-compulsive maniac, JUST to track how and to what extent I spend my month's salary on.

It's terrible if I run into deficit, you know. Better to be cautious.

But before we get into that, I'm going to make ANOTHER list.

A list of what I'll want to spend my first paycheck on. YIPPEE. >_<

Now, anytime I feel that work sucks big-time, I'll just have to think about that list and get an instant booster. Keke.

**

ONE HAPPY LADY

Lady Luck must have been smiling on me today.

Well, God must have been smiling on me today.

I found 3 items that were just PERFECT for me.

Except for one of the items which I'd already knew where to find it, the rest were chanced upon.

ITEM #1 - THE ONE I KNEW WHERE TO GRAB:

A heart-tag charm necklace (featured in July's issue of Cleo) that looks JUST LIKE THE ONE I WANT SO BADLY FROM TIFFANY & CO.

All it lacks, and that sets it apart from the one by Tiffany, is the engraving on the pendant itself.

Everything else looks identical.

And it's really affordable too.

Only $39.90.

What's not to like about it, tell me?

Best thing is?

I DIDN'T HAVE TO PAY A SINGLE CENT.

Mwahahaha.

Because I have cash vouchers (worth up to $100!), courtesy of my parents-slash-Starhub.

No more Tiffany.

Guess imitation one will do just fine. >_<

ITEM #2 - THE ONE I DESPERATELY NEEDED TO GET:

I knew that I needed to get ANOTHER pair of heels before I commence work on Monday.

The pair that I had bought a month back for the UOB interview was killing me to death. Killing Me "Slowly".

I knew that I could not expect myself to perform, even function, in that pair of heels. I needed a more comfy one. Now.

My friend and I were just browsing, and I wasn't expecting to find anything good (remember I had done this before JUST a month ago?), when we walked into a shoe shop called EVERBEST at Wisma Atria.

For the life of me, I do not know why I had not gone into that shop a month ago when I was on the exact same mission. It might have saved me lots of trouble (and money).

Wel, I picked a few decent-looking ones and tried them on.

And thank God for His merciful kindness on my poor feet, I found a perfect pair in terms of fit, comfort, style and design.

A perfect pair that's on discount, how wonderful.

Like everything else that I put on this skinny body of mine, I'm fussy about heels for work; and I have certain guidelines that I hug to death with.

Guideline #1: No open-toed heels for work. Totally unprofessional-looking. One of the major boo-boos of work-wear decorum, if there's such a thing. All the girls out there, listen up. I've seen this committed one million gazillion times by Singaporean women. The next time you spot a Caucasian lady in professional garb, look at her feet. I can bet you she will be wearing pumps and not anything open-toed. Trust me, they teach this in deportment classes.

Guideline #2: No fat, short or oddly-shaped heel. Basically, I scrutinize the heel itself. Is it of a decent length (i.e. somewhat long)? Is it slim and sleek-looking? If yes to both questions, check-mate.

Of course, the last thing that I have to mention is this: IT MUST BE COMFORTABLE.

Now, I don't have to teach that, do I? >_<

ITEM #3 - THE ONE THAT CAME AS A PLEASANT SURPRISE:

As we walked further past EVERBEST, we entered Isetan itself.

We ooh-ed and ahh-ed at the clothes from CK; I stopped to ogle at a delicious-looking pair of slip-ons at the feet of the mannequin; we ooh-ed and ahh-ed somemore.

Further down, we came to In-wear Matinique.

This brand has been around for ages, I remember it best as the brand that my brother used to buy his stuff from, before he advanced to Hugo and his Boss.

We started by admiring the brand's range of male shirts, I pointed out a few nice ones to my guy friend and urged him to try them on.

He didn't and we walked to the ladies' section.

My eye automatically zoomed in on all the corporate clothes.

I started pulling out clothes on their hangers and not too long afterwards, I struck jackpot.

I found a perfect crisp white shirt that has (some stuff, I don't know to describe) running down the front of the shirt, and strings at the lower back area where you can tug and pull to tighten the waist-line.

The strings look like the back of a corset top, if you can envision one.

The cut looked great on me, especially since the strings allow me to emphasize on my waist.

IT WAS PERFECT.

MORE SO BECAUSE IT WAS ON DISCOUNT TOO.

Mwahahaha.

Told you it was my lucky day.

But all this would have come to naught if my friend weren't around to lend a hand in the financial sector.

Thank you thank you thank you. ^_^

***

COMMENCEMENT'S COMMENCING SOON

New's out.

My commencement ceremony will be held on the 13th of July at the University Cultural Centre (UCC) at 10:00am sharp.

I'm excited.

It's like all of a sudden, I'm going to put on my graduation gown and mortar-board and get on stage to receive my certificate. I can't believe 3 years have been over just like that.

Honestly, I don't remember much about school. I seemed to have went through the 3 years in a blurry hurry.

So do help me to spread the word, and if you can, I'll like to see you there with me. I guarantee plenty of photo-taking. *winks*

That day's entirely for Business graduates, I'll still have to pop down on another day to see my Arts friends get "baptized".

I'm just so incredibly excited!

**

MORE UPDATES

More news on my employment.

The HR department finally got back to me after Monday. I'm to go down to UOB Plaza (that gorgeous, classy place!) tomorrow to sign some papers.

I hate it.

Feel like I'm signing my soul to the devil.

Well, tomorrow will be an active day, I'm meeting a group of Uni friends for dinner. They'd just completed an internship at Cycle&Carriage.

*envious envious envious*

Can't wait to meet up with them, especially my lunatic male friend who can go down in history as the guy with the crappiest advice ever.

Feels like the old times indeed.

**

SAY HELLO TO HELLO

And to all of you who have not heard of this extremely useful and oh-so-cool software called Hello, you just have to download it and try it out for yourself.

A fellow blogger recommended it to me, and so I downloaded the program last night and tried it out with him.

It was so fun, I feel like thrashing MSN now.

Hello is basically a program that allows you to chat with your peers (like MSN) and share photos with one another at the same time.

I tried the photo-sharing bit, and it was really fast, and the good thing about it is, you can view the pics AS YOU CHAT.

Basically, it's a software that allows you to chat ABOUT your pics.

Regardless of your internet connection, it guarantees instantaneous photo-sharing. Really cool.

For bloggers, it's even better.

We can make use of the program to post photos unto our blogs as a POST in itself, saving us the hassle of using photobucket.com and all those image-hosting websites. Ain't that cool?

Whichever one of you who have/is intending to download Hello, remember to add me to your list of contacts. And we can start sharing. Pronto.

**

BLESSED BIRTHDAY, MY FRIEND

By the way, HAPPY 22nd BIRTHDAY to you, my fellow blogger cum first 3 months' TPJC mate.

Though I left TPJC earlier than the end of the first 3 months, I remembered you best as my penpal classmate.

Appreciated the long lengthy mails that you used to write to me. I felt like a secret confidante of yours, sharing in your little private world through ink and paper.

Whatever life throws at us, we have to learn to take them in our stride.

Life hasn't been kind to many, including you, but I look forward to the day when you'll be truly happy.

It's another long year ahead, smile at it, and maybe, we'll all brave through it better.

Happy Birthday, again. ^_^

***

SOMETHING TO FILL YOUR TIME

Saw these quizzes in one of the blogs that I frequent, and decided that I should try them out just for the fun of it.

Guys Like That You're Sensitive

And not in that "cry at a drop of a hat" sort of way

You just get most guys - even if you're not trying to

Guys find it is easy to confide in you and tell you their secrets

No wonder you tend to get close quickly in relationships!

What Do Guys Like About You? Take This Quiz :-)

Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

Sigh. I hate the "You're Sensitive" bit. It never fails to get on my nerves. Sensitive to me equals stark-raving mad, cat claws out at the drop of a pin, and tears like water-gun on always-ready mode. So you see, how flattering can that be?

You Don't Have a Boyfriend Because You are Too Shy

When a guy gets to know you, he finds a great catch

Problem is... you're too shy for most guys to get to know.

From meeting someone to dating, you usually have your guard up.

And while you're just holding back, it makes you seem like you've got something to hide.

Why Don't You Have a Boyfriend Take This Quiz :-)

Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

Keke. Am I shy? >_<

**

SOME UPDATES

Well, for those of you who haven't been updated about the latest with regards to my new employment, I'd finally accepted UOB's offer and will be employed with them pretty soon.

Just waiting for them to finish all the bureaucratic admin procedures and to give me the go-ahead for my medical checkup (yes, there IS a medical checkup).

I'm kinda paranoid about going for a med checkup, I'm afraid that they'll find out I have cancer or something. Yikes.

Anyway, another company called me up for an interview the day after I'd replied UOB. I had to reject the interview, as I'd already accepted UOB's offer. That irked me, because I can't shake off the nagging feeling that I might be missing out on a better experience. That's just me. I'm too paranoid/imaginative/cautious/ for my own good.

**

SHOPPING BLUES

Been on the lookout for more office-wear, and boy, was I disappointed.

Everything looked so blah and plain and unappealing.

We need something better than G2000, I resolved in my heart.

Maybe I should just design office-wear for ladies and make that my living. We're talking about entrepreneurial spirit here, you know. >_<

I just can't imagine spending the rest of my life at work in uninspiring outfits. This is a serious crisis we have here.

This crisis is even bigger than global warming, environmental pollution, the wastage of natural resources and all of them put together.

I can't imagine how other women can tolerate such a terrible situation all these years. We should all unite and insist the retail outlets offer us the latest and best-looking office outfits at affordable prices, if not we'll boycott shopping and stagnate the economy! Haha!

Yah right.

By the way, speaking of shopping, Nine West and Aldo have the spiffiest shoes ever.

Check them out if you're looking for some gorgeous heels. ^_^

***

PICS GALORE!

YEAY!! Finally found photobucket.com on yahoo today. For some reason, the last time I searched for the website online, I couldn't find it.

Now that I have a photobucket.com account, I can post pics here! Woohoo!!

Couldn't resist posting this. He is just so adorable, isn't he? Too bad real kitties don't have puppy-dog eyes like his!

Now, for another dish. My friend sent his pic to me via msn, and finally, I have the liberty of posting his gorgeous pic here!! Isn't he a dish? >_<

And lastly, a clear pic of what I'm longing for! Yes, it's the exact same thing which I'd blogged about a few days ago, just that now, I'm posting the pic here. You're looking at a complete Tiffany & Co. heart-tag charm bracelet and necklace set.

And that's it!

Decided against posting my own pics here, because anyone can just right-click and copy-paste unto anywhere and everywhere! That's quite a scary thought, isn't it?

More pics to come, I hope!

Now all I need is a proper blog layout!

***

TO TAKE OR NOT TO TAKE, THAT IS THE QUESTION

Got a call from the HR department of UOB.

I'm being offered the job that I've been talking about here.

Am in a turmoil because I do not know if I should take it up, altough the pay is rather attractive.

Argh argh argh. Decisions, decisions, decisions.

It's so funny because three weeks ago, I'd really wanted the job very badly.

In fact, I remember getting so upset after the first interview because I'd thought that I'd screwed up really badly.

It all seems so silly now on hindsight.

The few people whom I've talked to so far, and whom have helped me to dissect the situation right down to its littlest details, think that I should just go for the job.

Just yesterday, after reaching home, I'd compiled a list of criteria in choosing my first job.

These criteria are to help me make the right decision when the time calls for it. Like now.

Take a look at the list.

LIST OF CRITERIA FOR THE JOB I WANT:

1. Location – Surroundings, environment, do I like the office? Food around the area? Can I get to the office conveniently with minimal hassle?
2. Pay – Not below 2K a month, consider bonus and/or commission
3. Learning experience – What can I learn from the job? Can I go elsewhere with the experience after 1-2 years?
4. Job nature – Am I fundamentally interested in the job scope? Is the work something that I’ll enjoy doing?
5. Company – Is it an established and recognized company? Do I fit into its corporate environment? Is the company one that I can identify with?

Looking at the list now, the UOB job doesn't seem that bad a deal.

The pay's decent, standard rate for frsh grads in the banking industry. The location's alright, I'll be working at Central Plaza or Tiong Bahru Plaza as most people know it.

The company's well-established, most people were like "Wow, it's UOB!"

And I do think that the learning experience should equip me with some advantages after a few years when I'm looking for a second job.

It's just that I'm not sure if I really like the nature of the job.

What I'll be doing is that I'll be managing around 200-300 accounts in a portfolio. These accounts belong to those of retail SMEs, who have credit relations with the bank.

I am to manage these accounts, make sure that they do not turn bad, and also encourage the owners to make us of the facilities provided by the bank.

Yes, it is like a sales job in itself.

And yes, I have never liked sales jobs.

But what a friend told me today really helped me in making my decision. She said, "If you can do this, there's nothing that you can't do."

And the person whose advice that I value the most - my Prof back in school, his answer was direct and straight to the point: "Go for it."

I have till Monday to reply to the HR department.

If nothing crops up till then, and if nothing happens to change my mind, I think I'll be employed with UOB. >_<

By the way, I did pray. And asked for guidance.

I hope God is leading me, and that I'm going where He wants me to.

I feel so old suddenly.

***

BUSY BUSY BEE

I'd wanted to blog yesterday but I'd gotten home really late.

Lots of activity yesterday, you see.

Firstly, I went for the interview with Quantum Acquisitions, which I totally regret doing.

This has taught me to be more picky with my applications, and NEVER (NEVER) to apply for a position that does not indicate the company's name.

Anyhow, what happened was, I had made my way to the office located somewhere at Boat Quay in the pouring rain.

When I arrived there, there was only one lady and a man (the manager, he claims) in the entire office.

Both of them look really young.

And the manager who interviewed me, I don't mean to sound critical, but if he can be the manager, I'll probably be the CEO of the company after I enter.

Guys who can't speak well, yet TRY really hard to speak fluently in a language that they probably only study in, totally turns me off big-time.

I mean, if you aren't fluent in the English language, stop the pretence. IT SHOWS.

A total waste of my time, indeed.

*Note: As I'm typing this, I got a call from the company itself, asking me to go down for a second interview. I just had the interview yesterday. Seems like they're not letting anyone get away with the speed at which they work.*

**

After that, I met 2 friends for lunch in Bugis Mos Burger.

I'm beginning to dislike Mos Burger more and more, I don't know why.

Yet after that, a surprise call came in. A friend had just arrived in town from the UK last week.

He and two other of our friends were in the vicinity, and all of us met up.

Chilled out at Coffee Bean, where I scrimped by not buying a drink at all. Even though I was feeling really sleepy and would have liked a Cafe Latte.

This reminds me. A friend whom I'd met up with recently was surprised to hear that I drink coffee now.

In the past, I wouldn't have ordered a coffee drink. I'll go for the teas.

I told him that people change. And I really feel so.

That I had changed quite abit.

And I don't think it's exactly a good or bad change.

But good or bad things cause people to change. Hmm.

**

READ ALEXANDER POPE'S POEM (THAT'S WHERE YOU GET "ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND")

Later after that (see! my activity for the whole day!), I met up with another friend in town and we caught dinner at this restaurant called Magic Wok at Far East.

I love the food there, if you haven't tried it yet, you should.

Try the pandan chicken, oyster omelette, tom yum soup and sambal kangkong. These are a few of my all-time faves. ^_^

And after that, we did something that I so do not regret doing.

Don't think skewed, now.

We caught a fantastic, I-can't-stop-gushing-about-it movie.

It's called Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, starring Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet.

You have to so go catch it if you have not.

(SPOILER ALERT!!)

The story goes like this. Kate Winslet and Jim Carrey were lovers in a stagnant relationship. One day, the impulsive Kate went for an operation to remove all memories of Jim in her head, leaving him befuddled.

After he finds out the truth, he decides to go for the exact same operation to remove all memories of her in his head.

The bulk of the story focuses on the operation procedure itself, where the audience is taken on a journey to his subconscious and memories of them together surface, both good and bad.

Gradually, he realises that he does not want to forget her completely, and with that, he forces his subconscious to retain memories of her somewhere. Anywhere.

I was inspired by this movie.

I was inspired because it taught me so many things. During the start of the movie, I had already selected people whom, if given the choice, I would choose to forget.

How wonderful if you can blot out a certain part of your past? One that you would rather not remember at all?

Nevertheless, as the show revealed later, however painful the memories were, we still ought to cherish them.

It was just so sweet and beautiful, how he tried to rescue her and retain her in his memory.

MY FAVOURITE SCENE:

Both of them were inside a house by the beach at night. It was their first night of meeting. They had broken into a house for the sheer fun of it. The house was falling apart as the memory was being deleted.

It was their last chance to salvage her in his memory.

The Clementine (Kate Winslet) in Joe's (Jim Carrey) memory came up to him and whispered in his ear:

"Make me immortal."

Awww.

**

THE AGE-OLD TOPIC, AGAIN (BUT I LOVE WRITING ABOUT IT)

Which brings me to another point.

This story indulged in the idea of romance completely. Despite having their memories erased, the 2 of them met up perchance one day and fell in love all over again.

You see, having memories erased leaves you pretty much the same person you are. You with your likes and dislikes, your quirks, your character.

So whose to say that both of you won't like each other all over again?

That's what true soulmates are like, aren't they?

Wherever they go, whatever they do, if they do find each other, they'll be together.

And the mundane, mindless things that keep people apart, that make people mad with one another.

They will learn to deal with it. All the nasty bits in a relationship.

Just like how Clementine and Joe learnt through listening to the casette tapes what they disliked about each other.

You live with it. You accommodate one another.

Love is as simple as that.

I hope all of us find our soulmates one day.

Really.

**

RANDOM THOUGHTS

I think I might want to get graduation gifts for all those who're graduating with me. Good idea, eh? Should I buy or should I make? Hmm, what should I make? Ideas, anyone?

Current song that I love: Everytime by Britney (yes, I actually like some of her songs, but not her though!)

Current movie that I love: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (no surprises for that one! anyone wanna watch it with me again?)

Current celebrity that I love (drooling over): Daniel Radcliff, that Harry Potter boy (he's grown to be such a dish! gosh, my paedophilic tendencies are out!)

Yups, wild thoughts at the moment, as you can see. Is it because of the full moon, I wonder? >_<

***

LADY LUCK

Yesterday must have been my lucky day.

I ought to check the almanac/ horoscope to ascertain this.

I received 2 surprise phone calls. Both work-related.

The first came from one company that I'd applied to just 2 days earlier after viewing the application on Jobstreet.com.

I am to go down for an interview today, just as you are reading this, probably.

That was for the position of a Management Trainee.

The second phone call that I'd got was really the surpise of all surprises.

Remember the interview that I went for almost 3 weeks earlier with UOB? I'd thought that interview was a goner and wasn't surprised when I did not hear from them at all afterwards.

Guess what.

The HR person who'd interviewed called me in the evening yesterday, to ask if I had found a job and to check if I was still interested to go for this one.

I replied in the negative for the first and expressed my interest in the position still.

This is for the position of Account Relationship Manager.

Title sounds super glam, I know. But I have a strong feeling it's not really the case.

Anyhow, we chatted for a while more before she told me that she'll arrange for me to go down for a second interview. This time with the department head.

And that was the end of it. She'll call again to tell me the details of the next interview.

Spooky, huh? I still think it's dubious that they call me up so long after the first interview. Especially when I was pretty sure I'd fared really badly for that round.

Hmm, we'll just see how things go, eh?

**

I THINK I MIGHT HAVE JUST STRUCK JACKPOT TOO

Besides the phone calls, I'd received tons of emails from Friendster.

Well, maybe that was an exaggeration.

I still haven't gotten a reply from the first guy who'd left me a message on Friendster (read yesterday's post).

But I'd received more messages and alerts to add me as a friend (when I don't even know these people).

It's kinda irritating, because it doesn't take a genius to figure out what all these guys are after.

One guy I questioned admitted thus:

"I found you through the gallery." *rolls eyes*

At least I'd thought that they'd used the User Search function; I gave them more credit than necessary. >_<

One of them even wanted my msn contacts.

I think I'll just pretend that I didn't receive that message. I don't fancy chatting to strangers.

But I don't know how to say "No", either.

Playing ignorant is the only route, then.

***

A STEP TOWARDS EMPLOYMENT (OR SO I HOPE)

Went down to International Plaza today with a mate to sign up at an employment agency named Kelly Services.

Was really hesitant about going down there at first, because I doubt that these agencies can help in any way (everyone's like rushing to these agencies once school breaks). There's definitely more supply than demand.

And I had to do a really weird test to assess my knowledge of Powerpoint for a potential 4-day temporary job.

I thought I was quite a pro at the software; I mean, c'mon on, don't tell me that years of churning out presentations after presentations didn't teach me enough?

Turned out I was wrong.

I didn't know enough.

My test results were mediocre, really average.

I shudder to think how my counterparts will fare should they take the same test too. Yes, some people manage to get away for 3 years in Business without churning out a single Powerpoint presentation. Oh yeah.

So I guess there goes my temp job. Bye bye.

I think I'm starting to adjust (albeit in a half-reluctant way) to unemployment pretty well.

Welcome bum-hood. >_<

**

YOU'VE GOT MAIL AGAIN

Received another message from an unknown user through Friendster.

Thankfully, this time, it wasn't another "career opportunity" bullshit.

But it was equally, if not, even more mind-boggling.

This guy (I checked out his gender by reading his testimonials, haha) left me a message that went something along like this:

"Hihi.. erm, dunno what to say.. are you a website designer of something?"

So now I cannot figure if he really had nothing to say, or if he'd just wanted to find out my job occupation.

Well, I did send him a reply, out of courtesy.

I told him in all honesty that I wasn't a website designer, just an amateur who's interested in it, since I blog.

And I'd also asked him how he'd managed to find me in Friendster, since according to the network, he's a friend of my friend's friend (3rd degree).

That's nowhere near me.

I have a very strong feeling that he had made use of the User Search function to conduct a hunt for, I don't know, anyone.

Let's see if he replies, eh?

**

I LOVE CONVERSATIONS

Best question of the day:

"If you were a guy, would you love yourself? As in who you are, character, etc."

- she to me, via a late-night chat on ICQ

Second-best question of the day:

"If you were a guy, what kind of girl would you like? Give something realistic, please."

- she to me, again

Insightful revelation of the day:

"You can be quite mean to yourself."

- she to me, yet again

How true. How true, indeed.

***

A RARITY, INDEED

Attended church followed by a dinner at Modestoes in celebration of a churchmate's birthday.

Verdict: the food at Modestoes ain't worth it, go only for the pizzas if you really have to.

I ate the seafood linguine thingy (can't recall its fancy name now) and I felt screwed. I'll go for PastaMania's cheap version anyday.

And the worst part is, I still felt hungry at the end of it. Argh.

Well, all in all, I'd really enjoyed myself at the birthday gathering. We were one HUGE crowd in the restaurant, creating so much noise that the management had to approach us politely to keep the noise level down.

Normally, I really dislike large gatherings, because for one, you'll only be breaking up into smaller groups at the end of the day, since you can't talk to everyone at the same time.

And that means you'll end up sticking to those that you're most comfy with, which kinda defeats the purpose of coming out in a large group.

But today was a little bit different.

A few of us older ones actually played some silly game in the restaurant with a few of the younger boys, and it was fun.

Took lotsa photos, as with any birthday gathering.

And I'm really happy to see this friend of mine who's the birthday boy, we haven't seen him for ages after stuff happened to our church.

There was warmth and love in the air tonight, and it touched me.

Something which sadly, doesn't happen quite so often with my church people.

At least, I don't feel it that much.

And so, Happy 21st Birthday, Andrew. Hope you had a riot. ^_^

**

THE INEVITABLE MOMENT OF TRUTH

Because of the gathering, I'd managed to catch up with a girlfriend of mine who's been MIA for a while now.

She'd lost quite abit of weight.

Seems like lotsa people in church have been losing weight. Extrim doing well, I bet. >_<

Anyhow, as with just about ANYONE who hasn't seen me or caught up with me for a while, the abominable question inevitably crops up.

"Have boyfriend, or not?" she'd asked.

Suffice to say I could only dish her this piece of dismal news.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO."

"Why not? Must be your standard too high, right? I bet you sure have suitors one."

"Nobody wants me!!" I wailed by this time, rather inappropriately.

There is just one thing, however, that I seriously do not fathom at this point in time.

Why is it that when I say I am unattached, people always like to rebutt me with a "because you're too picky", or "because your standard too high" line of answer? Do these benign souls really believe that I am so highly sought-after?

Bless your souls, my friends.

The answer once and for all is: I am not picky. Neither is my standard for a boyfriend too high. I am just unattached. Period.

I do not know why I am unattached either. Seriously.

I'll just like to attribute it to one factor, though.

I'm just unlucky in love. It evades me. It hides its shiny bow and arrow from me.

Like any die-hard romantic, I'll like to believe there still is a soulmate for me out there.

I just do not know when I am going to meet him. If ever.

Yes, there have been suitors. Hard-core ones and potential ones. I turned them away as fast as I could.

Once I know he's not the one, I waste no time at all.

I guess those who are interested/ have been interested in me were really (really!) off-the-target ones.

So you see.

PURE BAD LUCK. *shrugs wistfully*

**

DAMN, THAT REMINDS ME WHAT BOYFRIENDS ARE FOR

At the moment, though, I do wish that I have a beau indeed.

Because if that's the case, he can get me the DESIRE of my heart at the moment.

Ta-dah! The desire of my heart at the moment is a "Please Return to Tiffany" heart-tag charm necklace and bracelet set by Tiffany & Co. See a sample here.

And you can't believe how I'd positively turned green with envy when the birthday boy (who was sitting next to me at dinner) calmly and coolly told me that he had gotten the exact SAME thing for his girlfriend.

Damn. How fortunate can that bitch get? *sulks*

I'm just kidding. >_<

And he didn't just get one item, my friend, he had bought the ENTIRE set.

Did you read that right.

Now I recall why I dislike going to church. It always leaves me green with envy.

**

JUST SOME COMFORT, FOR NOW

I'd gotten for myself a few days back an imitation Tiffany bracelet.

A cheapo version of the one that I like.

I was really quite gleeful about my purchase.

Truth is, most of the ones that they are selling at eBay are imitation ones too.

I don't really mind getting an imitation one, as long as it looks real.

But my friend (same guy who bought the set for his lady) told me the little details that set the fakes from the real.

And some of the real ones on eBay are selling at a pretty decent price too.

If it's within my budget, I just might want to bid for the entire set. The REAl thing.

Problem is, I don't have a credit card to pay for the bidding. And I don't think eBay accepts debit cards either.

Another problem, hurray.

***

FOOD GLORIOUS FOOD

Went for dinner at Saeke Sushi at Wheelock Place today.

Boy, did I stuff myself silly.

I ate my usual tempura ramen, soft-shell crab, tamago sushi (my fave!), tuna sushi and some new fish thingy that I tried which tasted darn blawdy good as well. >_<

Anyhow, speaking of food, I've been satisfying my craving for chocolate by feasting on Mars. Plenty of them.

I bought like the party pack which has all these fun-sized Mars in it. And I ate loads of them.

Pardon me, but I just can't get enough of Mars.

After I'm finished with them, I'm gonna start on the Snickers. *slurps*

**

SOME SIGHTS AND MORE

Public transport can provide one with lotsa opportunities to spy on people.

Especially for people such as I, nosey parker and all.

As I was taking the train home tonight, I sat next to this boy in a school uniform.

I couldn't figure out which school he was from, but I figured he must be a JC student.

Anyway, he was pressing out a text message on his mobile, and the sneaky me couldn't help but steal a peep.

Anyway what I saw kinda surprised me.

This boy, barely 18 (19 the most), probably never tasted hardship in his life, knew not what love was, had not seen much of life and its tortures, claims (in his sms at least) to love his "dear" and that he would only want to marry her and no one else.

Tsk tsk. Young people these days.

And there he was trying to reassure his "dear" with muliple messages of his undying love and burning desire to wed her and her only.

Foolish, yes, but I envy his youth.

How can people ever be so sure of their intents and desires?

Hasn't it crossed their minds that people do change? Lives change? Time changes?

I do wonder indeed.

**

SOMETHING FOR THE GUYS TO LEARN

Simple things gain my marvel.

As I was taking the shuttle bus home after I exited the MRT station, I got behind this middle-aged couple in line.

When the bus came, we boarded.

It was a double-decker bus, and most people climbed to the upper deck.

The man was walking ahead of the lady in front of me, but when he got to the foot of the staircase, he stepped aside and let his wife, (I presume) climb the stairs first.

I was bowled over by such gentlemanliness on his part.

It's sad, but also true that we do not see such gestures by most Singaporean men. Especially from the more elderly ones.

Younger guys are more likely to do things like that (it is a changing age after all), most possibly due to Western influence.

It's just me, I'm a sucker for chivalry and all things gentlemanly.

The easiest way to get my attention, and I really mean the easiest way, is for a guy to demonstrate any form of chivalry.

By that, I mean all the small little things that mean BIG.

Like opening the car door (or whatever door) for the lady and letting her pass through first. Like letting her get on or off the escalator or staircase first. Like letting her get into the inner seat in the bus first, and stepping out to let her exit first.

Like just sending her home after a late night.

Or if you do not wish to send the wrong signals to her by doing so; instead of sending her home, give her a sms or call to make sure she got home safely.

Simple gestures like that easily differentiate one guy from the next.

It's true that we like good-looking guys a la Ryan Seacrest. Who doesn't?

It's true that we like guys who are smart, witty and intellectual, with a great sense of humour to boot. Who doesn't?

It's true that we like guys who are filthy rich, who can buy us the latest Tiffany, and who can chauffeur us around in a BMW convertible. Who doesn't?

But what really does it for me, and I dare say, for most other girls as well, is simply a good guy who knows his manners and how to treat a lady right.

Because such guys, even when they're at age 40, will still remember to let their wives board the staircase in the bus first.

How about that, boys? ^_^

***

THE MUNDANE

I slept like a ~~log~~ pig today. But then, what's new? >_<

Didn't know that looking for jobs can be quite a tiring task in itself. Last night, I was up till about 3am plus searching through the websites of ad agencies that I wanted to get my butt into.

Turns out these ad agencies aren't particularly friendly.

Almost all of them do not (and I mention it again), do not, have any email addresses for people like me to contact. All they have are addresses of their regional offices and telephone numbers.

One, I don't particularly fancy calling strangers up to ask for a job or to enquire about career opportunities for fresh grads like me.

Two, I don't particularly fancy the tedious task of printing out my entire CV, cover letters and other paraphernalia and sending them via post to the offices. Not only is that tedious, it's time-consuming and ain't cheap either.

And that explains why I slept like a pig today. But then again, maybe not.

**

HAPPY VESAK DAY (WHILE I'M AT IT)!!!!!

Despite sleeping until 2pm today, I still felt tired.

After I woke up, freshened myself, ate a sandwich for lunch, surfed more net, I fell asleep again whilst listening to some of my favourite songs.

I left my computer on and just allowed the playlist play itself out, while I napped.

And napped.

Imagine my surprise when I woke up and saw that the time was past 7pm.

And still, I didn't want to get off my bed.

Even now, as I'm typing this, I feel like going to bed right away.

*Yawns*

Guess it's my body's way of recuperating. Rejuvenating itself.

I don't mind at all. Not a single bit.

Because that means I won't be roaming the streets outside splurging on food, entertainment and shopping.

And when I'm inside, I won't be bored to tears either.

Which reminds me, now's the best time to catch up on my reading.

That darned Mrs Dalloway. I can never finish that book.

And one more thing.

I'm actually picking up the Bible and doing some Bible study. Uh huh. You read that right.

See what unemployment does to people? >_<

***

A-CHOO! GOD BRESS YOU!

I think I'm on the verge of falling ill. Really ill.

Been sneezing and woozing almost the whole night. Guess I caught a bad case of the flu.

Well, blame me. I haven't really been getting my 12 hours of sleep and drinking enough water. Doesn't help that the weather these past days have been nothing short of cold and rainy and wet.

Which reminds me.

I was stranded at the bus stop near my home for almost half an hour on Sunday as it was raining cats and dogs when I alighted the bus.

I thought that I should just hang around and wait for the rain to subside, before making a mad dash across the road to the carpark where I could walk under shelter to my home.

Turned out the rain only got heavier, with looming thunder for effect.

I didn't want to get my clothes wet (I was dressed almost all-white) and stained from stomping over mud puddles, so I waited and waited. And waited.

After about half an hour or longer, I'd decided my plan was stupid and unsuccessful.

In desperation, I hitched a cab right at the bus stop and it chauffeured me home.

The fare was a mere $2.40.

I believed the cabby thought I was insane.

And now, a-choo!

This is what I get.

**

MORE ABOUT THE *DRATS* WEATHER

Caught another movie today. The Day After Tomorrow.

The movie title reminded me of the joke Gracie blogged about. Boy, I really thought that was hilarious. >_<

Well, if you like movies which showcase the strength of mankind in dire circumstances, then this is the movie for you.

I think I still like Independence Day better, though.

But the scary thing is, of all the cataclysmic movies, this one probably is the one that is most likely to happen in reality.

Looking at the crazy weather these days, I wouldn't be surprised indeed.

It definitely won't take much for Singapore to go under tidal waves, that's for sure.

Maybe we should all start thinking about emigrating to Mexico right now. *winks*

**

MEET THE OTHER LADY

Speaking of Gracie, she's the other blogger which I came to befriend recently (other than Ting).

Read all about the 3 of us and more in Ting's latest post.

Go read it, because she did a fantastic job writing about us. Except one part, though.

She wrote that I looked demure to her (she saw my pic on msn messenger).

Anyone who knows me know that is so wrong, my dear.

That pic was a facade.

I need to look prim and proper as I use that pic on my resumes.

Other than that, the word "demure" and I simply do not go hand-in-hand.

We're like chalk to cheese. >_<

***

A NEW SURPRISE - WELCOME HER, EVERYONE

I made a new friend through cyberspace. Her name's Ting.

She deserves special mention because this is one girl whom I really feel a connection with. The similarities between the both of us are almost uncanny.

Her surname's Chong too.

Physically, we're both small and slim.

Spiritually, we're both first-generation Christians.

Emotionally, there're much more similarities to be drawn. Depressive, lonesome souls who are cynical, bitter and angry, you name it , we've got it down pact.

Maybe, together, we'll find the answer that's been evading us.

For now, I'm enjoying the presence of this new friend who miraculously came into my life. ^_^

**

ROLLING GOOD LAUGHTER AND SOMETHING EXTRA

Finally caught Shrek 2 today.

Cue: laughter, laughter and more laughter.

It's just opportune. I need the giggles back in my life.

Well, slash giggles. I mean guffaws and bellows.

The digs made at Hollywood and all things beautiful and perfect were ingenious.

Prince Charming and his shampoo-ad worthy locks.

The donkey who transformed into a sleek-looking stallion.

The ogre into a big, well-built man.

I realize I'm giving away the plot to the movie, but I don't really care.

Truth is, the movie of giggles and laughter is based on a good ol' moral story.

And the moral is cliched but still credible: Perfect, gorgeous looks aren't everything.

Perfect gorgeous looks can't buy you true happiness.

And true love looks beyond the surface.

What is true love?

Love is true when it recognizes and knows the ogre in you, yet continues to love you for that all the same.

Love is true when it loves you for who you are: an ogre, an ass, an ugly toad, with warts and all.

Someone whom I know liked to ask me this question: "What is love?" in the rhetoric.

He does not believe in love. He thinks that love just means commitment.

My idea of love is separate, though not exclusive from the concept of commitment.

True love and commitment go hand-in-hand, like shield with sword.

But love is not commitment, and vice versa.

My idea of what love entails is very "Shrek".

Like the movie, I do think that love glosses over the flaws in a person.

It's different from being blind to your lover's flaws.

It's about knowing their flaws, yet loving them all the same.

It's certainly not easy, but it's not unachievable, either.

Unfathomable to some people, maybe.

I just hope that he can change his viewpoint in future.

Maybe I want to change his viewpoint so that I can convince myself.

Sad, but plausible.

***

WADDAYA KNOW?

I had been wondering for the longest time about the fact that no one seemed to make any new entries in my guestbook on the left.

What happens is that I'll receive a notification email from signmyguestbook.com whenever someone makes a new entry in my guestbook.

As it turns out, I haven't been receiving any notification emails but people have been posting entries in my guestbook nonetheless.

I wouldn't have had the chance to know about this if I hadn't clicked on my guestbook out of sheer whim.

And voila! What do you know?

I realised then that people actually like to read this blog.

And that people actually care enough to link me, plain little me, in their blogs.

I followed the links that these kind people left and viewed their blogs. And gawd, can they write. For write is what they do pretty well indeedy.

So what I've planned to do is to tidy up my links section on the left side of this blog to include the links of these good souls who have made my day.

And you, people, yes you. Go click on these links and have a nice time surfing.

Enjoy. ^_^

**

HAPPY HAPPY

Weeeee. Another fruitful day out.

Finally found my emerald-green lace spaghetti top from Mango after visiting the n-th outlet these past few days.

It almost felt like I had been on a treasure hunt.

Well, I finally found my treasure today at the outlet located in Shaw Towers' Isetan.

Yippeee.

And after some mix-n-matching and parading around in my self-staged fashion show (i.e. in my own room), I realised it looked perfect with my recently bought white fluffy skirt and long-bought white half-cardigan (both from Mango).

Whooppee.

Whenever I manage to mix-n-match a seamless fashion combination out of whatever staples that I have in my wardrobe, I feel an acquired sense of pride at my fashion talents. ^_^

Now, I'm only left with the denim tight-fit pants to acquire. I'm getting closer. Yeay.

**

THOUGHT I'LL SHARE IT WITH YOU

Read this post in my friend's blog and thought it was one of the best things that I've read in a while.

Because I'm having problems right-clicking and copying-n-pasting, I've included a link to his blog. Scroll down and look for the post dated Wednesday, May 26, titled "The One That Got Away".

Happy reading.

***

TO MISS BOBO

This post is going to be dedicated to you, Miss BoBo.

You go, girl.

You with your signature kookiness on stage, those puppy-dog eyes that tear at the slightest provocation.

Those moves that they describe as moving over midget hurdles.

The duck voice, the big fat lips.

Like whatever.

You deserved to win, and you deserved to win it BIG.

And America knows that deep down in their dark, dingy hearts.

I thought the Tamyra Gray song, "I Believe", was written for you in mind.

And only you could bring out the emotions so well.

Not Miss Little Cutesy Prissy Diana with her delicate, charmed high-school life.

But you with your violent, dark past.

Your single-mum bravado.

Your escape from hell itself, embodied in the form of an abusive boyfriend.

You won the title dressed in the way that I loved seeing most.

The stark-black power suit, as I call it.

That exemplifies the strength you now possess, a strength that is overpowering and sexy at the same time.

And I think, just when you had almost sipped the drink of cynicism to its fullest, a miracle entered your life and you believed. All over again.

You make me want to believe too.

And though no one would like to admit it, secretly, they're all envious of you.

***

THE STORY OF THE GRAY AFTERNOON

I woke up to a gray overcast afternoon.

It was almost symbolic, the weather outside reflected my emotions poetically.

Not too long afterwards, thunder roared in the distance.

I cringed, not because that intoned the coming of rain, but because thunder would render me helpless and weak.

I'd never outgrown my fear of thunder.

Thankfully, it wasn't one of the worst thunderstorms that I've laid through in my life.

I just laid there, on my left side, placing one hand tightly over my exposed right ear and looked into the adjacent mirror.

Through that mirror, I could see a mirage of the sky outside.

Whenever I thought I saw a bolt of lightning flashed by, I closed my eyes tightly and pressed my hand forcefully down on my ear.

Most of them were just playing with me, like little kids out in the rain with water.

They weren't threateningly loud at all, and normally I would count to three and open my eyes.

And then a soft groan of a slow thunder can be heard in the background.

They were playing with me, and on me.

For some strange reason, I thought then that maybe Sylvia would understand what I meant.

***

THOUGHTS

I ~~was~~ am feeling depressed to be cooped up in the country.

Almost everyone I know is going/has gone on a trip overseas this hols.

Perhaps it's just the after-graduation bug, you do so feel like you ought to get out of the country, even if it's just to Langkawi or something.

And here I am still stuck down here.

**

MOODS THESE PAST DAYS

Haven't exactly been in the best of moods this past few days.

Some things have been getting me down badly, and it takes effort to put on a smiley front whenever I have to meet up with my friends.

I don't know, that's the thing I dread about meeting people, especially in large groups. You have to look cheery, even if you all feel like doing is to hide under your blanket.

But of course, sometimes these people are the ones who will cheer YOU up instead.

Guess you'll just have to take the chance.

**

PRE- GREAT SINGAPORE SALE

Did some major shopping yesterday after my bank cheque got cashed in successfully.

Woo hoo!

I earned about 170 bucks, and spent pretty much more than half of that in one day.

Argh. *casts a guilty look*

I wasn't expecting to spend so much in one day, but as it turned out, something that I'd been looking for which had been outta stock miraculously turned up on the day I'd decided upon doing some shopping.

I got a sky blue tank top which I had been eyeing for for the longest time (really pretty colour, perfect for my Spring-Winter thingy), a black (really smart, sexy and gorgeous) top for office-wear which I'd chanced upon and just tried on for the fun of it, and a white fluffy skirt (the one which had miraculously popped up from obscurity).

ALL. FROM. MANGO.

Talk about being an absolute Mango addict.

Well, can't really blame me for that. The brand's clothes this Spring/Summer are just simply AWESOME.

I'm still eyeing an emerald-green silky lace spaghetti top which is (shucks) out of stock for size XS at the moment, and a pair of really flattering slim-cut, tight-fit denim pants (outta stock too).

That's the problem with being small around here.

Every other Singaporean lady seems to grab for the same size as you.

Makes you wonder if there are just THAT many pint-sized ladies out there.

Well, whatever it is, I know that these 2 seasons for the 1st half of this year belong to the realm of Mango. Zara's completely outta the league at the moment.

And I haven't even started on Topshop yet.

Go, clothes, go (and burn a deep hole in my pocket at the same time). ^_^

**

ANOTHER TEST ASSESSMENT - CUE: MAJOR GROWN

Got a call from a guy from IBM Business Consulting Services yesterday as well.

I kinda applied for an internship there, even though I'm really a graduate at the moment.

Well, he conducted a phone interview with me, and even though he was initially surprised to hear that I'm already a grad (internships are more for those who're still in school), he was kind enough to extend the consideration to me as well.

After the phone interview ended, I was given the daunting task of answering one single question as a test assessment.

I am to email him my answer by Friday.

Here's the question: How would you measure the risk profile of an investor? Come up with a model or a realistic mechanism for implementation in a bank.

How tough is that.

I'd immediately sought the help of anyone whom I'd thought might know the answer to this.

#1 Finance majors

Result: No clue.

#2 Business students/friends

Result: No clue.

#3 Econs students

Result: A bit of clue.

#4 Marketing Professor of whom I'm chummy with

Result: Still a bit of clue.

#5 Insurance agent friend

Result: Some clue.

At the rate I'm going, I'm just going to pull everything together and make a WHOLE chunk of clue.

Just piece all the info together one-by-one.

And come up with an ingenious (or so I hope) solution.

Wish me all the best, folks.

In the meantime, anyone with any clue to the above question, do email me.

*Keeping my hopes up and fingers crossed*

***